Thursday, August 26, 2010

Rest In Peace Savana....

Today we laid to rest our beautiful friend Savana Riley. I knew it was going to be hard to go to the funeral today. Only one funeral that I have ever been to was as hard to go to and that was my best friend Amber's when I was 17. Today was incredibly emotional. Savana was 20 years old. She was an incredible person who touched many lives for Christ. Today during open mic this girl testified that she wouldn't be a Christian if it wasn't for Savana. Incredible. I wonder how many people that have been touched by Savana. I know for me, Savana was an incredible friend. She was full of joy no matter what the circumstances, always reminded me of the pure love and joy of Christ. She always knew that God had it under control, no matter what was going on. As I have been battling the infertility, I can be the first to say that I haven't been as trustful of Christ as I should have been. Im so ashamed. Thomas who was facing losing his other half, his faith never wavered. The whole funeral was incredibly sad. Not that funerals are happy or anything, but this was a different level of sadness. As we were sitting in the place where two months ago they were meant to say I do, watching Thomas broke my heart. He stood up and went up with his guitar, I knew what was coming. They were amazing worshipers of Christ and he was about to play to his bride. I broke, but nothing prepared me for what was about to happen...He started to play a song that he wrote for their wedding, for her. Then it hit me, this was the VERY song he played for us at our wedding last year. The very song I walked down the aisle to join my groom. I broke. I couldn't stop sobbing, I looked over to the love of my life and we just held each other and sobbed. That was the hardest moment for me as I realized he wrote that for her, and yet he was loving enough to share it with us. Wow. I will never in my life forget that song. It was so special to me, but today I realized its so much more special that I could ever realize. Thank you so much Thomas for sharing that song with us. Because of you and Savana...we have each other and that means EVERYTHING to me. I cant tell you how many times Savana and I talked about you guys getting married and how much she loved you. Seriously, it was an amazing love you two had. Your an amazing man of Christ and God has you. Many blessings coming your way, I just know it. WE love you!!!!!!
Savana, I will see you again one day. We will dance & sing together on those streets of gold. Thank you so much for being such an amazing friend and even more than that, a witness. You taught me how to be joyful no matter what the situation, always have a smile, and always reach out to those around me. I will never forget you!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Singing with the angels

Today is a day that I thought was going to be uneventful. I mean things don't happen on Tuesdays, I go to school, come home, do homework and call it good....When I woke up I never imagined I'd be getting the email I got. I rolled over and saw my phones light flashing, meaning I had a new text or email. Thinking it was a text from my friend Stacy, or possibly Melissa. I leaned over and grabbed it. Wrong. I saw my email icon and so I debated on whether or not to check it then or when I "really" woke up. I decided I wanted to know what I had received, so I opened it. I had a few emails, but the one I saw and checked first was the one from Caring Bridge, for my dear friend Savana. Her family has been keeping every one updated through that site since her accident in February. Savana was an amazing woman of God, she seriously blew me away with her thoughts and her prayers. I loved her. Her and her(then boyfriend, now fiance) Thomas is who introduced me to my husband. They meant alot to me. When me and Miles started dating, he always called me "his Savana", the week before we met he prayed to God that He would send someone to him like God has sent to Thomas....his own "Savana" We both saw the love that they had for each other, the love that Thomas had for Savana, wow. I can not say I have seen someone so in love with someone else(other than my husband of course). He loved her more than life itself. I will never forget her. God has healed her, she is singing with the angels and is with her Heavenly Father. I heard a song on the way to school this morning: I can only Imagine by Mercy Me. Im not going to lie to you, I started to bawl driving down the road. I know Savana is finally able to walk, talk, sing again. She was an incredible singer. She loved to worship her God. My God. Here is a video of her singing at a event for teen girls that was hosted by our youth group last year I believe, she loved the youth, and in my opinion she was an INCREDIBLE example to our girls of how to be an amazing woman of God.


Rest in Peace Savana Riley, we love you and you will not be forgotten. You have touched so many for Christ.
“What makes me ME: I am motivated to do the things I do by my creator, my father, and my savior~Jesus Christ. Knowing him allows me to be who I am today.”
~Savana Riley

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Dentists trip

So, it was horrible. Plain and simple. I went in for a "simple cavity filling" Yeah right. Apparently it was pretty deep, like super close to the nerve. So he started out with the two shots....great I hate needles......I was a big girl and didnt even have hubs hold my hand.....Well shortly after the two shots were done, he started drilling...sure enough I could feel it...so he gave me another one...waited a minute....started drilling again....drilling and drilling and then BAM I winced, he asked me if I could feel it still(in a very surprised tone) I said yes...he didnt believe me but gave me another shot....He was like "ya know sometimes people are so nervous they think they feel it but they dont".....and went back to drilling, not even a minute later I could STILL feel it, he pulled back and was just like seriously you can feel that? I started to cry and shake...I knew my body was being stubborn but 5 shots really? Why me...even though I couldnt feel the last shot, I was so angry that I needed THAT many to not feel it....I just sat there and then I got scared because it felt like my brain wasnt connecting with my mouth and I couldnt talk. I couldnt figure out what he was saying or what I was saying....it was insanely frustrating. Almost like I could hear them but not talk back....WEIRD!!!! Anyways after the 5th shot he went back at it and I just ignored the noise and all that as best as I could. I was shaking pretty badly but nothing I did was helping me calm down. I even tried to think about my happy place: Maui. Nope, didnt work. An hour later he was finished and now Im home. My face feels like its 4x its size and Im debating on a nap...I told hubs that when it comes time for my wisdom teeth to be removed I WANNA BE KNOCKED OUT(which is huge considering Im deathly afraid of being put under) anyways....thats my mini rant about the dentists office....
ETA: It took 7 hours for my face to not be numb anymore LOL

on a side note my left ovary was KILLING me earlier....COME ON EGGIES GROW!!!

whew what a week...

Sooo, this week has been just wow! Its been CRAZY!!! First the mold situation(which still hasnt been fixed), then I had my spanish midterm this morning, so Ive spent all week studying for that, and on Tuesday afternoon I noticed this lump and it was black just under the skin behind my knee and boy it hurt like non other. I kinda freaked out that it was a blood clot, so yesterday morning I went to the doc and he suspected it either being a blood clot or a cyst, so yesterday afternoon we had a doppler done of my leg and the tech said his guess was that it is a cyst. He cant tell as much as he would like so he sent my images to a vascular surgeon. They might want to do a biopsy to see what it is(OUCH!!!!) Later today I have a dentist appointment(ugh) and the inlaws are getting to town....like I said its been a crazy stressful week. Still peeing on O sticks, its getting darker, but no positive..Im cd 14 today. I expect it to be positive maybe tomorrow...we'll see. Either way we have made sure we are covered!! I had a dream I got my bfp two nights ago so we shall see!!!
Im trying super hard not to stress(despite all that has happened this week). I hope everyone is doing awesome!!!!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The testing has begun!

I started testing with the opks yesterday. Negative of course lol, but I will say they are darker than they have ever been before this early in my cycle(I am now cycle day 12)
It figures Im fertile when Im dealing with my midterm, my inlaws are coming to town, and getting a cavity filled. Its a busy week!! ;-) I have a feeling I might get my surge as early as Thursday which all those above mentioned activities are happening that very day.... We'll see :)

Sunday, August 15, 2010

My "lots to say" post haha

So first off Id like to say thanks to SamBev for sharing with me another ladies blog, more specifically the entry about clomid induced rage. Thank you so much, it was freaking awesome. I was laughing so hard that I couldnt breath and was crying hysterically...because I 100% saw myself in her description. The way she said she felt, thats to the tee how I felt this week. (For those who dont know what Im refering to, its in the comments section of the post HOLY CRAP SIDE EFFECTS. Thankfully, I havent had any more clomid induced rage.

We have been furniture shopping all weekend and have found some AWESOME deals, we got a new dining room set and ordered a new living room set, and for both sets we paid a total of $1450. The kitchen table was originally a $1000 and we got it for $318 with tax!!! AMAZING!! Such a blessing from God. I have been wanting a nice kitchen table for about 2 years, but have been waiting because we couldn't find one that we could afford that I loved. This one however, a clearance special was just perfect!! Ill post pics when everything is set up. We have to wait to get the living room set for a few weeks (insert sad face) but they are awesome chocolate brown microsuede reclining couch, love seat, and a rocking recliner!! I CANT WAIT!!!

Friday night we ran into a little(well big) mishap. I was debating on moving our main living room to the downstairs living room of our house. I went down to put up paint chips, and stepped on soggy carpet. Yep, soggy. Back up one week and if you were in our house you would be noticing a subtle but loud gurgling noise. (yes, its possible to be loud AND subtle with the right circumstances..) All week I had been hearing it, and waking up everyday not feeling well. I told hubs to check it out, because it couldnt be good. He looked around at the dishwasher, the toilets, the sinks..but he couldnt find it. Everyday we had the same conversation "Do you hear that?" I would ask, "yes, but I cant find it" he responded. "That cant be good, why dont you try again?" I prompted, "fine" he would say with an annoyed tone. For seven days that went on. Each day I was waking up more sick than the last. Until Friday, I thought maybe I was catching a cold or something. But Friday I got really sick, so much so that I almost passed out at the wheel. It was scary. I felt weak, and I would come home between errands and get some more water thinking I was just heat exhausted(the heat index was around 115 all week!!) but every time I left I would feel worse then when I arrived. It was not fun at all. Now, fast forward to soggy carpet. I called hubs downstairs and he was in as much shock as I was. He found the source(the a/c unit was somehow retaining water and not draining and in turn seeped out and now a good 10x10ft area was soaking wet. In further investigation hubs found out the closet was also soaked, when he opened it there was a strong mold smell. That explains it all, the mold was making me really sick. (for those of you who dont know me personally, Im deathly allergic to mold...Ive lost consciousness before from exposure.) So we were up til 2 fixing things, well he was fixing it while I was upstairs trying to breath and not dye haha. His dad owns the house, so we arent sure if they are going to replace the carpet(I think they should as the closet has already molded) or what. They will be here on Friday so we will probably figure it out in the upcoming weekend....Overall its been a pretty interesting yet awesome weekend.

I have my spanish midterm on Thursday, so going to spend today studying for that and getting more things cleaned before the in-laws get here! My brother in law is going to be moving to where we are as he has graduated high school and is now a college freshman!! OH BOY haha, freshman year...good times right?! He will be living in the dorms with our cousin(my cousin in law) and so Im sure they will be over at our house all the time for meals (rolls eyes) haha....thats ok, it will be nice to have family here. Me and the hubs are actually really excited about it.

The weather as mentioned in my story above has been INSANELY hot, like a heat index of 115 every day. Its no good! BUT as of last night there has been a cool front (thankfully) move in. I think going from a high of 102 all week to going to a high of 83 all week will be a nice improvement!! Im getting very excited for fall, I cant wait to start decorating my house for the holidays(yes Im literally obsessed with the holiday season)!!!!! I love the crispness in the air, the pumpkin patches, jeans, boots, sweaters, scarves, hats, and of course the FOOTBALL!!! I never thought of myself as a football fan, but since moving to Nebraska, its impossible not to be! I went from despising the huskers, to being a huge fan!! I love going to the games, and just everything about it!! Its just seriously my favorite time of year!! Is it just me or has this year just flown by? Im hoping Ill get a nice surprise in time for football season....I bet any of you can guess what surprise Im hoping for (insert big smile).

Thursday, August 12, 2010

HOLY CRAP SIDE EFFECTS

Umm wow so day 3 of clomid and the past two cycles I did clomid I NEVER had as intense side effects. My dose is actually the lowest it can be. Its insane. Last night and tonight I have had the WORST mood swings. Its insanely bad. Please pray for my dear husband, poor guy. I pray this is a sign that Im responding better and we will FINALLY get our little one

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

WE ARE BACK!!

So my ultrasound went well. My cysts were alot smaller so they gave the go ahead to DO THE CLOMID!!!! IM SO EXCITED!!!! IM BACK IN THE GAME!!!! YAY!! I also changed docs within the practice. I havent met her, but there has supposedly been ALOT of positive things said about her so Im hoping I like her. lol.

My regimen starting today: clomid 50mg cd 5-9, metformin, prenatal, 3000mg of epo, 250mg of B6, RRL tea, green tea, mint tea, temping, checking cm/cp, & of course OPKs !!! IM BACK!! WAHHOOOO!!!!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Week from Hell...literally

Ever have one of those weeks where every time you turn around something ELSE goes wrong...and you just KNOW that its Satan's attack on you. I have been in a constant state of warfare all week. Ever since my appointment last week I have had one thing after another go wrong. One of my close friends came and stayed with me last weekend, it was an awesome visit...she is almost 6 months pregnant and even though I so loved having her here..and it was a blast seeing her....it was so hard to go look at all the baby stuff and know that she was looking "for real" and I was just dreaming....then I have been having nausea and all the intestinal issues all week from the metformin I started last Friday. Im giong to school and our spanish course is super accelerated and I literally feel like Im drowning, thankfully I was able to talk my friend into tutoring me. She has taught spanish for the past couple years at another university in town. She has a newborn son, I just LOVE that little boy. Him and his brother are pretty much amazing. I rocked him to sleep, and my friend made a comment that I was so good at that and I just started to bawl. I love her boys so much. I love babies. I just want one of my own so much. Her boys are definitely a blessing to me as I just need to have time with babies til I get one of my own...honestly hers(as of now other than my nephew) are the only babies I feel this way about. I have been on the verge of tears all week...I just know that it will be another month or longer if this cyst doesnt go away. I am really hoping it goes away...it has been hurting since last night so Im assuming it is getting ready to burst...thankfully its the beginning of my weekend so I dont have to skip any classes. It hurts so I pray that its going to burst soon....I had a spanish exam this morning, and I just know I bombed it....I feel like Im drowning in this. So my stress levels are through the roof. I scheduled a massage for tomorrow and as long as cyst waits to burst til Saturday lol I should be able to go. OH and then some girl decided to write a super nasty message to me on facebook...COMPLETELY uncalled for...It has some nasty language so if curse words bother you.....then dont read the following(I did mark out some of the letters)
Photobucket

all because my status said : Downside to this med, constant nausea..upside to this med, getting ready for morning sickness.
Then she commented:
"Nausea and morning sickness are 2 diff things. I was nauseated with my son, but had horrible morning sickness with this one. I would rather have been nauseated than getting sick everday, cause id always get sick after i eat. Its even worse when u get sick while out to eat and others are in the restroom... i hate that the most. Im almost 30 weeks pregnant and i still get sick, not as often but i still do"

So I responded that I DID know, and to me driving down the road in bad traffic with no where to pull off puking in a bag while still driving was worse and I would rather puke in a restroom LOL....

I was totally trying to keep things light and she totally flipped out...needless to say I blocked her on facebook, reported her, and I ended up having to block her number on my phone because she kept harassing me through texts...it was quite the day. NOT what I needed or even could handle.

So with allll of this, this week has SUCKED...I have just been so down and had too many things happen that just sucks...I NEED SOME POSITIVE THINGS TO HAPPEN!!!
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