Tuesday, May 17, 2011

*I Am A Freak Of Nature*

So I had my day 5 ultrasound today. I arrived to the imaging center bright and early for my appointment. They wouldn't let my husband back with me, which was kind of irritating...but ok. So then I go back and she did the trans-vaginal ultrasound. I warned her that she wouldn't be able to find my left ovary. Not one tech has in almost 9 months. Well she found it, and DUG around to get all the info and it hurt. BAD. Definitely hurt worse than any other ultrasound Ive EVER had. My legs were shaking and I even teared up. But it only lasted a few minutes, so I made it through.
Oh the things I go through for the chance to have a child.

And then I waited, all day.

Me and Miles went on a date to the movies, for a matinee and then of course 10 minutes in I get a phone call from my doctors office. So I literally run OUT of the theatre to answer the phone. Its just the front desk lady to confirm my appointment in the morning at 8:30 for my injection instruction. So I asked her about my ultrasound because me coming in was dependent on that. She put me on hold and got a nurse.

The nurse got on a few minutes later and said that the doctor wanted to look at it in the morning before I came in because I now have a +2 cyst on my left ovary(which is my bad one). So my right one dissolved, but somehow ON progesterone shot therapy I developed another one on my left. How is this even possible?! I have pcos, but its weird because my LH to FSH ratio is backwards. I have super low lh and high fsh. Its odd to say the least.

They say that with PCOS: weight loss = baby. So how is it that I have lost 20lbs and I'm having issues with cysts now unlike Ive ever had before? It just doesn't make sense.

How is it that I am SUCH a freak of nature?

I am always the patient that makes the doctors scratch their head and go WTH?!

I am freaking out, every month we put this off...is another wasted month of "improved" fertility after the HSG and Lap. Its been almost 2 months since the surgery.

2 months..wasted.

I told the nurse I'm willing to risk it. My cyst is on my bad ovary and quite frankly I don't care what happens to that one. She totally could hear my frustration, she was such a sweetie, thank GOD. She said she understood and hopes that we can figure this out. She said that all the nurses got together and looked at it and they can honestly say they have NO idea what my doctor will do. It will be an interesting conversation to say the least.

I am praying he will let us go ahead with the cycle...if he doesn't I'm not exactly sure what we will do.

I honestly am so discouraged, its been an awful week. I am at the end of my rope. I lost my job yesterday and now this. Before that I was having family issues, and my af was the worst one yet. I didn't leave the couch all weekend except to go to church. The cramps were so insanely bad.

I know God has a plan, but is this His plan..or is this a continued attack from the enemy?

1 comment:

  1. Hey Ashley, I'm a silent stalker from TWW.

    I just wanted to share something with you. I know you are a believer and I listen to Focus on the Family a lot. Last week the topic of conversation was infertility. I think you would be really blessed by that particular show. You can find it on their website and listen to it (it's in 2 parts). www.focusonthefamily.com

    btw - I don't have a right ovary anymore, but my left one is waaaaaay lateral, so it's extremely hard to see trasvaginally. I SO feel your pain (literally, lol) on that!!

    Hang in there and know that you have people praying for you that don't know you. ;)


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