Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Broken..from what I hear thats a good thing

God has been dealing with me pretty deeply this week. First off its been one week since I found out SIL is pregnant. I really really wanted to be happy for her. To be able to call her and congratulate her. I want to be as supportive and excited for her as I want others to be for me. So I spent twoish days crying, yelling at God, and all at the same time begging Him for the ability to be happy for her. On Friday I finally felt that I had the courage and ability to honestly say "Im happy for you."

Am I still 100% happy for her? No. Am I wanting to be constantly updated or hear about it? No. But I feel that God is breaking me down just a little bit more. Which from what I hear is a good thing.

She was so understanding it actually caught me off guard. She didnt know about the miscarriage, and I could tell it made her sad to think that her pregnancy is more than just frustrating for me, but also so very sad at the same time.

I have only let myself listen to worship music for a few weeks, but the day after I found out she was pregnant, I turned it off. I was pissed. That only lasted a couple of hours. And every time I have turned on KLove, I swear its like God is talking to me through the songs. I have pretty much broken down into tears every day on my way to work singing the songs that come on. Here are two that I cant make it through the song without sobs coming out!





Thank you readers for being just such a blessing to me. For validating my hearting heart and being there to listen to me vent and cry over everything that has been going on. YOU ROCK!
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1 comment:

  1. I know it is hard... especially when it is someone so close... i just had a hard pg announcement that sadly i heard in a store. and kind of was a bit loud about it, it hurts so much. I wish and pray for the faith that you have, but i just dont have any or much at all... this is a down day/week for me as well, but it will happen for us, i know it has to (oh and everytime i am at your blog i admire your header picture, it truly is beyond beautiful!!:D)

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