Wednesday, January 26, 2011

FML

My Sister in law is pregnant.
The one thing I begged God to spare me from...to not make me watch her be pregnant and bring a baby into this world...
He didnt listen.
I cant describe the pain I feel right now. Oh but it gets better, she is due only 4 days after I was, and either on or right before my Mom's birthday...yep thats right. Figures huh, God took my baby and gave her one...
FML

I have never felt more useless. More forgotten. More hurt.
I cant stop crying, shaking, and I feel like I may just puke.

9 comments:

  1. This is one of my greatest fears... and I have three sisters-in-law... sorry you have to go through this.

    -Elphaba

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  2. T&P to you. And while I can't possibly imagine what you're going through, I hope that God answers your prayers one day and that you get that take home baby.

    I have to add, though, that your SIL getting pregnant can feel like a big cosmic joke from God, but please don't take your anger and hurt out on her. It isn't her fault and I'm sure that if she knows about your troubles she already feels bad.

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  3. Ashley hun i am sooo sorry... I don't know what to say, but i have to felt this terrible pain.

    Now i'm going to encourage you to go over an visit this blog that i've read in the past, the posts are a few years old and in the some there are mention of children etc. but there is A LOT of information and advice on dealing with sisters/sisterinlaws/friends getting pregnant when you are suffering. I'm praying for you and I hope God heals that heart of yours. Please visit the blog.

    http://missandrae.blogspot.com/2009/01/my-sister-is-pregnant-help.html

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  4. Yikes! I just realized you were talking about your sister-in-law and not your little sister. I'm very sorry. I just cannot fathom the pain your are in right now.

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  5. I felt the EXACT same way, when my SIL told us she was pregnant I cried for months. Then I refused to see or hold the baby for as long as possible for over a year. When she announced #2 I knew it was coming, this was my crappy life. But I prayed to God it would not be a girl because I wanted to have a girl more than anything and especially the first for our family. When we found out it was a girl I bawled my eyes out, once. Then I accepted it because I knew that's how it would be, because that was my crappy life. I didn't think I would be able to handle it when she was born. But something amazing happened.....I fell in love with the little girl I may never have. God gave my SIL the one thing He knew I wanted more than anything. I thought He did it because He hated me but He did it because He loved me. He used it to bring me closer to my SIL and so that I could love on my niece til I get my own little girl someday. I just wanted to share that with you so that you can hopefully see some positive in this. I know it sucks now but someday it will be better.

    P.S. I took your advice and read Intimacy Ignited, its awesome! Thanks for sharing.

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  6. Oh, Ashley. I am so sorry. It is hard to be in this position. I only know from the standpoint of watching my younger sister (who is my parents' favorite) get pregnant and give birth.

    It sucked. I can only say that I know some of the pain you are facing and it's hard.

    (((hugs)))

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  7. I am so sorry...this must be terribly painful. Hugs.....

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