Thursday, December 16, 2010

It only took us three weeks and we found out on the fourth...

Thats what my best friend said to me tonight. I mean I love her, but sometimes she can be so clueless with whats ok to say to me. Granted I understand its hard to know what to say when you have never been in these shoes, but it hurt me so bad to hear that. Another friend announced her pregnancy to me, its not doctor official yet. It stung so badly. She has only been trying for #2 for a couple months....and better yet she is due only a few days after I would have been if I didnt miscarry :(

Im trying so hard to be ok, to just ignore all the fertiles around me. But how do you do that, when literally almost every single friend I have has either just had a baby in the past year or is pregnant. So many different situations, yet they surround me.

I feel like someone who is drowning. With no escape. The water just keeps on coming and its slowly filling my lungs and Im on the verge of suffocation. They are all great moms, and I would never want it any differently for any of them. I just wonder why on earth God chose me when I have already been through so much.

Bad things just keep on coming, I found out I have dry socket. Which is causing us to cancel Christmas with my parents, so now we have to postpone our trip to Colorado for after the New Year instead of leaving tomorrow. I was really looking forward to our vacation and now not so much, Im hoping my attitude will change and my heart is just aching right now. Im trying to look at it as, maybe if we did leave tomorrow we would die in a car wreck and this is Gods way of saving us so as to not get really upset.

I did get some good news today, even though it has been a struggle to focus on school with everything that has been going on...I got a B in Spanish. Yep, Im pretty proud of myself.

4 comments:

  1. :-( I'm sorry. I know how you feel. You hang in there. Congrats on your B!

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  2. It's like your blog was written by me :( (well except for the dental stuff but I really hope I don't have that issue when I get the rest of mine out!)

    I have three people whom are giving birth this month. It's so hard sometimes. I wonder all the time, why me?

    But deep down I believe that God has a plan and His plan isn't for right this minute. I have to be OK with that or it will drive me insane. He will give us a child. It will most likely be easier than we imagine, after the fact. I did let go and let God a few months ago. It's gotten so much better since then. It's just, this is the situation at the moment and I am just going to have to figure out how to deal with it. I just have a feeling that doesn't think I am ready. Who knows. All I know is that I am taking this time to better myself in every single way so I have my life 100% together before the time comes that I am graced with a child. 2011 is the year where I improve myself. I am excited :)

    Many hugs :)

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  3. It's so hard sometimes. Especially when it feels like everyone around you is accomplishing their pregnancies and you're feeling left behind. I'm so sorry lady! :(

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  4. Ahh that's my world right now too! We just have to hang in there!

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