Thats what my best friend said to me tonight. I mean I love her, but sometimes she can be so clueless with whats ok to say to me. Granted I understand its hard to know what to say when you have never been in these shoes, but it hurt me so bad to hear that. Another friend announced her pregnancy to me, its not doctor official yet. It stung so badly. She has only been trying for #2 for a couple months....and better yet she is due only a few days after I would have been if I didnt miscarry :(
Im trying so hard to be ok, to just ignore all the fertiles around me. But how do you do that, when literally almost every single friend I have has either just had a baby in the past year or is pregnant. So many different situations, yet they surround me.
I feel like someone who is drowning. With no escape. The water just keeps on coming and its slowly filling my lungs and Im on the verge of suffocation. They are all great moms, and I would never want it any differently for any of them. I just wonder why on earth God chose me when I have already been through so much.
Bad things just keep on coming, I found out I have dry socket. Which is causing us to cancel Christmas with my parents, so now we have to postpone our trip to Colorado for after the New Year instead of leaving tomorrow. I was really looking forward to our vacation and now not so much, Im hoping my attitude will change and my heart is just aching right now. Im trying to look at it as, maybe if we did leave tomorrow we would die in a car wreck and this is Gods way of saving us so as to not get really upset.
I did get some good news today, even though it has been a struggle to focus on school with everything that has been going on...I got a B in Spanish. Yep, Im pretty proud of myself.