Monday, November 8, 2010
This may sound selfish but I dont care
My heart is broken, the one thing I yearn for... It burns so deep in me. I plead with God on a daily basis. I just want the chance to be a mother. I had to find out on Facebook today that my sister is 9 weeks pregnant. What possessed her to write it on Facebook without telling me? She claims it was to save my feelings, but I seriously doubt that. My heart hurts. The one thing I beg for, He seemingly just passes out to every woman who spreads her legs. Graphic, I know. Do I care? No. Its true. What did I do to deserve this? She gets her second baby (her son, my nephew is 9 months old) ON birth control and using condoms....and Im sitting here bding at the right times, being injected with so many different meds/hormones that I feel crazy, constant monitoring, pokes, prods, we beg God for our chance. All He says is no. I want to believe that God loves me, but this very moment makes me feel so forgotten. How is this fair? I love my sister, but she smoked her entire pregnancy with my nephew. She isnt with the father of either baby. I just dont understand. I know everyone makes mistakes but tell me this...how is this fair?
Posted by A at 1:52 PM